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Thursday Nights In Boca Raton

Compliments of www.yelp.com and "Gary S." - author of this hysterical review on Bova Restaurant, Boca Raton, FL.

"Gary S" is an avid and highly entertaining restaurant review critic on Yelp. His comments on a place called Bova - a place that caters to singles on Thursday nights, follows: "I know what I like, and I know what sucks." (I included it here for pure entertainment value...) Ok Gary S, take it away!!

"This place helped me understand suicide bombers!

"In my 11 years of living in this circus town I have now been to the epicenter of hell. The desperation of the newly divorced women has reached biblical proportion here. The competition between the self called M.I.L.F.'s and evil X-wives suburbia club is epic. These diligent competitors will stand outside to watch what kind of car that another girl has. If that woman speaks to an eligible man (or married man who lies) the wicked outsider will come by and mock the girl to her face and try and shame her away telling all about her dated Honda with the dent in the fender.

"I had 3 women ask me if I was married. I had 2 women ask me what kind of car I have, and I had 6 ask me what I did for a living. The women here do not have conversations, they give depositions. Side note I am not tat popular normally.

"I have seen very nice women I know pack them self into an old outfit that is a few sizes to small and definitely not age appropriate. I am not a prude but this place will make the most seasoned S. Floridian quiver. This place was a total rodeo for me and my friends. We tried to see how long we could stay until we felt like we needed a hot bath.

"It is nice to see the Jack La Lane impersonators too. Men in the 60 plus age group with the same costume you would see on the guys from the red hot chili peppers. Fresh wrinkle free faces but they did not get the neck lift to go with the face lift. (Think male Joan Rivers with the Frank Purdue neck on a Lou Ferrigno like body. (This is what the local soccer moms fight over.) Hey Gramps nice True Religion jeans and Ed Hardy shirt. Did you get that at the X-Games while you were drinking your HGH and Red Bull Martini?

"The place is very nice and the bar is jammed. If you like this kind of scene you will love this place.

"If you are a comedy writer you will love this place.

"If you are a newly divorced soccer mom with your old acid washed jeans and Barbie Doll socks. You will love this place.

"If you are an 80 year old male body builder who digs younger women who have low self esteem you will love this place.

"If you are a radical suicide bomber you will love this place.

"I see underneath it says Wheelchair accessible? That should be yes just so the men can keep going for the next few years. It also says Good for kids? I guess it is if you want your mom to marry an old guy to pay the bills and help keep up that country club lifestyle.

"I may take a field trip here with my friends to see if it is still as heinous as I remember. Any bets?"

Thanks Gary S !!!!!!

Consuming Job ? Memory Loss?? It's A Dog's Life!

This entry started out as an email - my comments to my family on how I got so consumed by work, that I lost connection with friends, family and many of the most important events happening around me for the past 30 years! Yes. 30 years!

I forwarded the Original email between me and my sisters to a few friends outside the family.

Below is the preface to the email about how life passes us by that I forwarded to non-family. It includes my sister's suggestion about how I might notice her future demise:
************
Friends:

I thought you might enjoy this.... a note to my sisters .... we've been chatting about how time goes by before you notice something really important. This was precipitated by the fact that a really good friend of mine...I call her "The Mistress of Doom and Gloom" ..and "Our Lady of Perpetual Crisis" .....died A YEAR AGO... and I just found out. By the way, she EARNED every bit of those titles....

My sister responded back with...
"If I don't ask to stay at your house or call you to drop something at the Haiti Mission in Ft Laud for a year or so, then call my husband to find out if I'm dead."

We are a family of 15 - that's 12 siblings. I'm thinking her remark to me is very "Fargo". We're from Minnesota.... We admit to no emotion.
************

******Below is my reply to her comment above:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sent: Sat May 23 07:45:12 2009
Subject: Speaking of short term memory loss..... It's a dog's life!


Jane & Pat & I have been exchanging notes about how easy it is to forget the simple stuff (or often the really important stuff...) and how much time passes before you "notice" something really important.

Here's a perfect example of something "I JUST NOTICED" today.. on 5/23/09 !!!

My dog and my ONLY Godchild, Christine.....share THE SAME BIRTHDAY !!!! 5/22

How strange is that???? Sadly, it took me 4 YEARS TO NOTICE !!!

I know...gag me... who cares, right?? Not that ANY of you feel that ANY natal facts or any history of a DAWG is remotely significant..... It is however, a very, very strange coincidence nonetheless that the only 2 creatures for which I have some level of responsibility - have the same birthday! I have owned the dog for 4 years.... I have been Godmother - though not the best one - for 23 years!!

So Pat, if I don't hear from you for a year - or up to 4 years - then perhaps I might think to call and find out what happened to you. ha ha... just kidding!

Also to my point that my job has consumed EVERYTHING thus no room left for what others consider important in life... and in my case....every bit of brain cell and free space has been on overload and fully consumed by 20+ yrs of a machine-gunning technology assault on my psyche in order to manage, organize and recall a continuous barrage of 24/7 complex computer problems, coupled with enormous issues and constant crisis...... That constant assualt apparently left little room in the brain to store, absorb or retain much else...

So absentmindedness, forgetfulness and disconnection with family events for all these years is how the lack of residual(brain) storage has manifested.... That IS my excuse all these years, and I'm sticking to it! That's why I did not attend any of your weddings, any of the graduations, funerals, births, showers or parties - including the one you all so generously offered to throw for my "x0th" birthday. Having to fly 1500 miles to the event, party or celebration.. was just too far... and took too much time from "work" all these years. :-)

Into this situation I inserted a dog (in 2005) - to add some "life" and essential "grounding" to this physical and mental chaos.... but of course, that only served to add 1 more dimension to manage.... and 1 more issue to deal with. Thus her purchase details, pedigree and ownership papers just hit the shelf and stayed there now these 4 yrs. I finally looked at them today....because I knew her birthday was probably yesterday....or somewhere in that vicinity.

Given the constant activity and drain on my time, here's how it goes around here with the dog added to the mix.... Oh dear...the Dog!! Did I feed you today? I think so..... Was that this morning? Oh no... I think I forgot to feed you again! Do I HAVE to walk you or can you just get the job done by yourself? Do it there..NOW. Hurry. Let's go... I'm late.... Did you poop today...or was that yesterday? Peggy says you dropped a flea in her bed. It was dead. I don't think it was you. I don't see fleas at home... Let's see, when did I do the flea and heartworm stuff? I can't remember. Ok...Let's wait a couple weeks on the flea stuff...so I don't poison you.... and so it goes....

I noted yet another interesting point that I might add here - or perhaps NOT that interesting... to those cynics in the group - and you know who you are..... Her mother's name was Ko Ko Puff. She's Coco Chic. Go figure. Who knew?? I didn't know that. My dog has the same name as her mutha'

BTW - She did not get a cake or gifts. She already has the gift of the perfect priviledged Boca life...and me! Both great gifts. It's a dog's life, eh? ha ha

BTW 2 - I'm willing to adopt anyone's kids to stay with me.... but I might not remember that they are here.... and food? forget it! If you don't like tuna, or shredded wheat or donuts from the freezer, you will starve. I finally got rid of a bunch of expired food.... (Marlene knows).... some of it expired as far back as 2004... Ugh! And...even the liquor is going bad around here....I'm finding white wine the color of dark apple juice ...eeoowww! Oh ...and my shoes? and purses?? they are disintegrating! I pull out a shoe or purse that has not seen daylight for about 6 yrs (or maybe 12 yrs...) and invariably the plastic or leather heel falls off while I'm wearing it, or all the leather cracks like an old woman's face (mine) or the leather dye stains my feet..... I've not been "home" for a long time and this is one big fatass job to go thru all my s*** only to find it falling apart. Plus, now I'm 60, old and fat. Oh well.... It had to come to this at some point....

Dog ...are you still here? What day is it anyway???
mb

******** so my brother responds with:

SLOWLY STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER..... TAKE YOUR MEDICINE...... AND ALL SHOULD BE BETTER BY NOON!

******** my sister responds with:
This is hilarious! Having all your brains sucked out by work is something all we obsessive compulsive types can relate to (she writes from her work BlackBerry which is on her nightstand). Happy B day to Coco

********* the "check in a yr to see if I'm dead" sister says:
On the other hand, you could have had kids that you "forgot" like some other people I can think of ( no relatives on my list for the paranoid peole in the group). Personally, I prefer describing it as benign neglect encouraging independence and self comforting and self-regulatory behavior. This prepares a person for a future of hardship which, if it does not materialize, is a super bonus and contributes to extreme happiness, even if you do hate your mother.

**** I expect more smarta** responses from family.... They ARE a witty bunch!

"The Mistress of Doom & Gloom" & "Our Lady of Perpetual Crisis"

I dedicate this blog today to my dear friend, Joanne Darvin.

I just found out Joanne Darvin, my good friend from Miami - whom I have called "The Mistress of Doom and Gloom" and "Our Lady of Perpetual Crisis"..... died a year ago! I'm stunned. How could this happen?? I just called her house to say hi since I had not spoken to her in a couple years. Her husband answered and told me the sad news. She fought and won her battle against cancer but succumbed to an embolism. Go figure. She died suddenly, and quietly.

Joanne was such a vital spirit and truly a wild woman in so many ways. Although I gave her these titles that some may think derogatory, it was only because she represented such crazy charm and an incredible non-stop penchant for crisis and drama that caused her to earn every bit of these fondly assigned titles. I never knew a drama queen, nor any Jewish female from NYC until I met her! Drama was her middle name to be sure. However, on the other side she was one of the most gracious, kind, and entertaining human beings I ever had the pleasure to know!

She was hysterical to listen to and....full of so many episodes of drama and crisis...that I dubbed her The Mistress of Doom & Gloom ..AND... Our Lady of Perpetual Crisis a long time ago. Her manner and her dialog in relating the latest events that happened to her were so amplified I could not help but assign her 2 titles! All in fun. And she could talk and talk and talk..... I often fell asleep on the phone with her.. Once she got going, she rarely came up for air and was perfectly content to just keep talking and talking - so I don't think she noticed the frequent snoring on the other end of the phone.

My very first trip outside the building in Aventura with my new friend in her first car (ahhhh...a NYC native..) was to go to a pawn shop to pick up - and re-purchase - goods stolen from her by a friend of a relative. Get that? Ok so that's how the story of my friendship with Joanne began. A crisis. Doom and Gloom if we didn't get the goods back right now! And perhaps someone would get shot. I think there was a gun involved as well...but do not recall all the details. What a start.

When I met her, Joanne was a mid-30's gal with her first car.... That in itself was so foreign to this midwestern native whose cultural background calls for driving a stick-shift at 15 and getting your own car - beater or otherwise - as soon as possible. I did not understand what "calling for a car" or "having a car service" meant until much later in my friendship with Joanne. I just let it go since every question would elicit a 45 minute explanation, annotated and filled with digressions... I learned early on to ask few questions and just sit back and listen and enjoy the ride!

Anyway, we retrieved the goods which then morphed into a lawsuit, a restraining order and daily assistance from the on-site security to maintain vigilance against the perp. As time went by there were more and more incidents and events or non-events that escalated into just another crisis - or a situation that needed some form of resolution....as in asking the building management to sleep in her apartment living room every night for a week to authenticate late night noises in the building that were making it "impossible to sleep"... or to replace parts of her rented apartment - ...because of something "vile" or whatever... I got a daily call relating her latest escapades and issues... All with much flourish, laughter and entertainment value that you just could not buy anywhere! She was a master at crisis... and "oh dear...can you believe THIS happened?"....

In any case, I memorialize her here as one of my most endearing - yet dramatic - friends since my move from Minnesota to Florida in 1988. She told stories that would make us all laugh for weeks and weeks and weeks! Her background in high fashion - New York style - as a vital cog in the Valentino dynasty, gave her all that much more international flair that turned out to be beyond priceless. She knew fashion! And...she knew lots of other drama queens - who were actual queens. New York queens! I met a number of her past associates; they all provided so much charm, fodder and flair to life with Joanne.

We spent endless hours on the phone, going to the pool and just talking about our mutually exclusive background and experiences. Being from the midwest, I had no idea what she was talking about when describing her wardrobe... a blah blah blah dress, or a blah blah blah scarf or shoes or skirt. Her stories always began with..I was wearing my blah blah blah outfit.... which she ASSUMED meant something to me - which it didn't... God forbid if some date misinterpreted her expectations for the evening, she would indignantly assert "why would he THINK I would be interested in going to a baseball game? ..in my blah blah blah outfit??? This is a DINNER dress! I didn't wear my blah blah blah dress to go to a BALLgame!" I smile at her amplified indignance on these matters of monumental significance....

I'd just go along with her because I too did not know you could not wear a blah blah blah dress to a ballgame either! How boorish of both of us! In any case, she was so vastly entertaining in making these assertions! I just enjoyed the story and her animated flair for telling the tale...

Another noteworthy Joanne event was the high Jewish holidays - which I didn't know anything about at the time. She wanted to go shopping but did not want to be seen. So she dressed in a wig and scarf and we sneaked out of the building - by WALKING to her car! ..and somewhat pretending we were going to temple... Actually walking to the car was a notable event. She always valeted. She never carried anything from the front door to the apartment herself. She never parked her own car in her own spot in the garage. In fact her first trip to the garage was one day when I was driving; she asked me to pick her up at the front door. I told her I was not her car service and she would be walking to the car with me or she could stay home! She complained loudly that this was so awful to force her to go into the garage... "moi Joanne walking to the garage!"... Ultimately she was in awe that the garage - which was connected to the building, was not really that far away! Yah. We all knew that.

Anyway, in disguise on the highest of high Jewish holidays, we had great fun shopping and FILLED THE ENTIRE CAR AND TRUNK with stuff she purchased from home stores and such. Not wanting the wrath of the Jewish Gods to come down on her - or anyone in the building to recognize her WITH packages - we pulled our car full of purchases to the front door to the valet station and she literally RAN to the elevator and left me with the valet staff ...She asked me to "bring up her things.." She said she could not be seen shopping on this holy day! I'm sure we went to her apartment and ate some form of pork.... So much for the rules...

Man-hunting was another sport that provided much adventure, laughter and fun! It would too tedious to go on here, but suffice it to say, I will never, never forget her! I will never, never forget some of the gut splitting laughter from her stories. She was the best!

I am saddened by her death and I will miss her a lot. ;-(

Rats and Rat Poop...and BTW who ate the bananas???

Day 1:
A typical morning.... but no. The doorbell rings at 9AM and it is Henry, Amanda's latest boyfriend. He has a spray can of something in his hand and he wants to know if all of my orafices are plugged up. My orafices??? Evidently, his girlfriend had some bananas. They were on the granite counter next to a pass-through window to the patio. When they woke up one of the bananas had a huge hole dug into it by something!! AND there were RAT DROPPINGS ON THE COUNTER!!

OMG!! Call someone!! WE HAVE RATS!!!

THEY ATE THE BANANA! AND POOPED ON THE COUNTER!

So Amanda goes to work but leaves the boyfriend to call Nozzle Nolan - the exterminator. Not convinced he could do it right - or do it by himself - she also called her Concierge Service and asked them to stop by to oversee the investigation and extermination.

Henry is at my house spraying foam - I'm still in my PJ's. My dog is barking and jumping around while Henry scouts out orafices in my house where RATS could enter. He is spraying some icky beige foam into every crack he finds....

While this is going on I grab some shoes and the keys to Amanda's house and go check out the banana caper. Who or what ate a hole in the banana? And when did it happen? Are there rats still in the house??

Amanda seems to think it could have been a bird, a bat or a rat that came in the prior evening while she was sipping cocktails on the patio. Yes, that bat/rat/bird zipped into the kitchen, undetected, and grabbed a bite of banana??? Some feat. They flew over the pool, over the outdoor bar and into the window to grab that banana!

Anyway, back to the mystery. I'm at the house checking out the banana and the droppings. Jack arrives from the Concierge Service, Henry finished fixing my orafices and now he's back at Amandas. Nozzle Nolan shows up and checks the entire house for rats, bats or other rodents.

3 hours later the rat team still included the boyfriend, the concierge service, the neighbor (me) and Nozzle Nolan who said the rat poop on the counter was dried blueberries. Ha ha. A 4 alarm call to action, foam getting sprayed into neighboring A/C vents - all for dried blueberries!!

We still don't know who or what ate the banana but we are holding the evidence until we get the perp.

The Story Unfolds....5 Single Women Move Into the Neighborhood - On The Same Street!

This is an episodic tale of 5 single women - their friends, their jobs, their relationships and much more. It is a compilation of select excerpts from the daily lives of real women. Names and actual places have been changed to protect the identity of the characters. And so we begin....

DAY 0:
Morning begins peacefully every day on Sugar Plum Circle, a quiet cul-de-sac of homes built just after the war. The homes are of modest size and they pretty much all look the same - with several variations in square footage and floorplan. Beautiful landscape - regulated by the "association" - is mandated for every well-manicured yard, as is the color of the house paint and what types of accessories are allowed in the driveways and in the yards. All so very prim and proper.

No basketball hoops. No offensive trees that create droppings or attract pests. No trucks, no boats, no trailers, no vans. Hmmm.... Just very pretty little houses in a perfectly maintained little community just on the edge of town.

What you see - day or night - are cute little dogs, large dogs, multiple dogs, dog walkers, kids playing, skateboarders or rollerbladers, bikers, walkers and generally 30-something moms and dads off to work or "the club" or whatever. You will also see a daily influx of workers who help to maintain these homes in pristine condition - doing such things as the yard work, landscaping, tree trimming, pool cleaning, house cleaning, painting, driveway sealing, pest control, dog grooming, yard fertilizing and rodent control. In the evenings you may see parties hosted by a plethora of party planners - often including live music, tents and catered food.

Large HD TV's dominate the landscape throughout the meandering streets at night and most residents keep their front drapes open so you can see what everyone is watching. Not that this is the goal, but the point is - it is a pretty open and hospitable neighborhood. Joggers line the boulevards morning and night while landscape lights and motion lights twinkle at night to light your path. Trees are trimmed to look like the mushrooms or toadstools in Alice In Wonderland. Life is pretty tame. A family oriented community to be sure.

It is into this bucolic family setting that several single women - recently divorced, professional and otherwise "experienced" - decided to settle and build their nest. Coincidently, they all happened to land on the same street.

The Sugar Plum Chronicles begins to unfold!

We promise to give you drama, intrigue, passion, deception, humor and lots of great adventure!!

Sugar Plum Chronicles

Welcome to the Sugar Plum Chronicles! This is a log of real life episodes on a street where real life and fiction become entangled. The characters are fictitious but represent the ordinary and extraordinary challenges of several "over 40" women. It's about their work, home, family, men - husbands, ex-husbands, and boyfriends. It's about health, and finances; it is also about dating, divorce, remarriages, cheating spouses, lies, deception, and illness. It is a chronicle of the lives on this quiet little cul-de-sac that come to life when it begins becoming populated by a gaggle of SINGLE WOMEN! All different. All unique.

The setting is Boca Raton, FL. The street is a small cul-de-sac in the heart of the City. The events are fictional embellishments of real life events, but beware....this could be YOUR street too!!

Join in the fun!!