The Cheese Course

A newly discovered restaurant in Mizner Park - next to the movie theater.

My Boca Chic blog has a post about this place.  I thought I'd add a little more and a link to their site:  www.thecheesecourse.com

Their salads are out of this world!  Delicious and hearty.  I had the French Field Greens....goat cheese, cranberries and a huge portion!  We had the Woodbridge Cabernet... a nice accompaniment.

Cozy, friendly, informal atmosphere. Try it!

Route 66 Chronicles - Part 4, The Final Frontier (RV world)

Part 4 – The Final Frontier….....

We left off last time camping in yet another casino …this time in an official RV park adjacent to the casino. We planned to take a cultural tour of Sky City in NM and view ancient Indian cultures and sacred grounds.

The visit was interesting and packed with history and folklore. Ahh.. the American Southwest!

Upon departing the sacred city we decided to trek back east toward Albuquerque on old Route 66. While not “recommended” in our guidebooks, we decided to do it anyway! About 5 miles into this lonesome and desolate road, the pavement suddenly ended and we dropped onto a gravel road that was more “washboard” than navigable terrain. We had a choice to make – go back and take the REAL highway, or just keep going and take in the adventure! By now you should know that we picked the 2nd option and stayed on the road. Somewhere in the next 20 miles there MUST be blacktop…!

Ok… so now we’re in our big-ass RV taking in the scenery while everything is shaking and rattling and falling all over the place cuz we are getting the HELL pounded out of us on this friggin’ road. NO ONE is anywhere in sight except for an occasional horse, cow or bull. We did however, notice that the road was covered in horse shit all along the sides and in the middle so clearly, we were not too far from some form of civilization. On the plus side, the views, the colors the rock formations, the sky and everything around us was spectacular to see and heavenly in its own way. So we decided to just keep going and bear under the incredible racket from this bus being rattled back into its component parts by the “road”, if you can call it that. I was sure I was in Costa Rica…

So, now the doglet, who has had a prominent perch on my lap for the entire trip, likes to look out the window. She occasionally barks at a rock. We begin approaching a huge herd of bulls… I mean some very big-ass bulls grazing along this deserted patch of old Route 66. My “cute” dog begins to show her authority to these 1-ton creatures – all 8 lbs of her. She barks at them! And keeps barking. And barking. The bulls begin to notice us. We could see them beginning to turn there giant heads toward our RV. Understand, we are driving about 2 miles per hour and surely a bull can overtake us if he wants to! Or charge at us or something. We see them lift there heads and give us that big bull eyeball angry stare. OMG. They are LOOKING at us - and holy whatnots, they don’t like this nippy little dog. We realized we were alone out there and quickly shut up the dog, closed the windows and got the hell out of there!

Finally, after 20 miles we got off that gravel road and back to something more sane! What an adventure. Little noisy dogs and wild bulls don’t mix well.

We dropped by a little local bar and had cocktails with some of the locals who gave us a lot of rich history on the area and the demise of the golden years of Route 66. It was one of the few incidents that gave us a sense of what had been lost when the American highway system bypassed Route 66 and literally destroyed the richness of this great historic route to California. We passed many boarded and abandoned up gas stations, motels, diners and other landmarks that spoke of another time. Now it was basically a photo montage of life,, families, businesses and traditions that have disappeared or moved on. For better? One wonders……

The final days of our trip were calm compared to the “Griswold” start. Except for the final night and the last day. By this time it was really getting cold and not liking this weather, I was getting a little tired of the RV setup routine…. Freezing my hands connecting water hoses, draining sewage and generally being outside in winter…camping. So the last night after connecting electricity, water and TV, I just decided that, even with the planned freeze I was not going outside in the dark to disconnect the water. Nope.

The last day, we needed to de-camp, clean the RV and get on a plane home. Simple! I get up early and it is sunny and tolerable…as in perhaps mid 30’s in temperature. I did not expect to see the complete MESS I had outside from the night’s freeze! Oh NO!! The hose had burst and frozen ice covered the side of the RV and all the connections were in solid ice!! I nuked some hot water in the microwave and was able to thaw and detach the hose. Then I took it to the shower building to run hot water on it to get the ice out so I could store it. Gads. That done, I then needed to do one more DUMP of the sewage, the gray water and such. The RV was about 2 inches shy of the sewer drain pipe in our parking spot. I pulled on the plastic drain pipe to make the connection and ripped the end of it off! Oh no. Now sewage was running all over the place and the frozen water was still there from the fresh water flood of earlier. I just DUMPED and ran and hoped the minor sewer stuff would disappear by spring!

So long Route 66, RV camper and Albuquerque! What a great adventure! I would do it again in a minute – but NOT in the WINTER !!!

Thanks Kris for a fabulous 60th birthday bash!!! It was maaahvelous!!

Epilogue:

We got the RV back in halfway decent shape and left for the airport where Kris discovered her return flight was actually set for a week later! What??? After much ado, she got herself on a plane home to Mpls and giggled all the way home.

Back home now, we see that ARE the Griswolds!  ...or we became them for a short period of time!

(The Griswolds.... recall the relatives in the Chevy Chase Vacation movies....)

Route 66 Chronicles - Part 3, The Trip Continues....

Part 3 – The Trip Continues….....

We left off last time parked in a fairly chic RV "resort" in Santa Fe surrounded by large expensive rock star motorhomes....

We got up the next day for birthday breakfast in Santa Fe's quaint little village. I ordered eggs benedict which usually gives you 2 muffins and 2 eggs....I got 2 muffins and 1 egg.. ..like a missing headlight.... We were told the other egg got "lost in the kitchen"... Go figure! On the way back from the 1 egg breakfast to pick up the van I walked the dog ...who simply will not poop in cold climates!! In any case my coaxing took us to a city office building where we found some rare grass. ahhhh...familiar turf !!

We walked and sniffed and walked and sniffed for about 10 minutes....to no avail.... so we jumped back in the RV where I discovered some other big ass dog had done his duty in the grass and my shoe was literally covered in shit! Of course it was my RIGHT shoe...so I was forced to drive the RV in my socks. As you might all suspect, the shoes give me a bit more height and a longer leg.....so now w/o my right shoe my driving foot was a lot further from the gas pedal on this truck... I was forced into the ballerina position for about 50 miles while Kris' daughter cleaned the god awful mess of poop from my shoe! We dropped her off at ABQ airport where I am sure she was relieved to be out of the RV !!! and....on her way back to Mpls!!

Ok.. so ....on this great American RV adventure we HAVE been introduced to a different form of culture.... and... have actually learned a few new vocabulary words along the way:

DUMP, DUMPING STATION, PARK AND DUMP, BASIC AND "FULL HOOK-UPS"....hmmm....right here in the RV park. Although we paid extra for a full "hookup", neither one of us has gotten one!!

We also learned about BLACK WATER and GRAY WATER... and today we took our first dump at a dumping station in Grants, NM. Just imagine what that means..... getting the crap out of the RV ! eeeeoooowww...

We left Albuquerque yesterday and were headed toward a lesser known canyon just inside the AZ border. After 50 white-knuckle minutes in a westward direction Sunday night with cross winds and wind gusts up to 25mph .... and semi's crowding the roads after the holiday weekend, we were pushed and swayed all the way to Grants, NM. That was a hard and freightening drive...so we got off on Route 66 in Grants and headed toward town to check it out! Nothing, nothing, nothing going on. It was 9pm and we didn't even find a bar. That was my fault, I just did not try hard enough!! I'm sure there WAS one! We knew there were 3 RV parks so we pulled into the first one and had a weird sensation about it; we left for another one and later discovered that someone had been murdered in the first RV Park last year!!!

Today was uneventful in terms of crisis and weidos - but spectacular in terms of vistas and ancient rock formations. We spent the entire day on and off Route 66 going BACK toward Albuquerque. After last night's competition for road with all those semis...the wind gusts and almost losing control of the vehicle....and the prospect of more danger ahead in the mountains....we decided to slow it down a bit. We saw some fabulous things in NM off the main highways... Tomorrow we will be seeing an ancient city in NM call Sky City - purported to have been inhabited continuously for the last 10,000 years. This is on a reservation and has limited access. It looks like a really interesting self-sustaining ancient city in the high desert..... I never heard of it and had no idea the USA was inhabited by anything 10,000 years ago!

We are now camping at a big casino RV park on Route 66. I don't know what town this is...... Tomorrow we will do the ancient city and then go back to Route 66 and take the rig around the official DEAD MAN'S CURVE - on Route 66 back to Albuquerque... Yes, that's the real dead man's curve. We already checked...the vehicle will be able to make the TURN!!

Ok...it is off to the casino !!

ta ta

Route 66 Chronicles - Part 2, The Trip Begins....

The trip log in the form of Route 66 Chronicles begins now.

Well, the trip has been full of adventure so far. I picked up the RV and spent about 3 hrs w/ the owner learning to drive it and how to use all the features. Then went to the airport to pick up the MN friends arriving at midnight. I got them and we were finally on our way to the Grand Canyon.

Only a few minutes into our trip ... while still in Albuquerque we went under an overpass and someone dropped a rock that went thru the windshield. I heard this loud thud and suddenly was covered in glass shards...face, head, clothes, seat. The impact was so intense it sprayed glass shards 7' into the cabin. When I realized we had a hole in the window - slightly to the left of the R-view mirror, I pulled over and immediately called 911. We then called the RV owner and he came out to assess the damage and figure out what to do. This was now about 2am local time. The owner wanted to clean up the RV at his house so we took it there where they vacuumed out all the glass shards.

We finally arrived at a casino at 4am where we parked, did our slide outs and went to sleep. No repairs possible on Thanksgiving so we ate Turkey and gambled at the Route 66 Casino. Lost $.

On Friday we got the windshield replaced. We decided not to go to the Grand Canyon - by this time it was too far away and we lost a lot of time. So we went to Dunkin Donuts to regroup. On the way out of the Black Friday (day after Thanksgiving) crowds near the Dunkin Donuts, I tried to escape from the crowded parking lots - as I was dragging a 29' load with me.... and proceeded to lop off the shower vent on the roof of the RV by going under a low hanging tree branch. Oh dear. I got on the roof of the RV and decided to just strap it down for now. So I taped it up w/ lots of duct tape and we decided to head north to Taos - where we opted to give up on parking lot camping and finally hit a real RV park - to get cable TV, electricity (not on the generator, etc).

We found one 2 miles from downtown Taos that looked like it should have been on old Route 66. Quite "interesting". After tripping over a dog the size of a small horse we went into a smoke infested "office" filled with remnants of 1970's VHS tapes, and ugly crap everywhere. Sitting on an ugly-ass chair - a look-alike to Frasier's dad's mealy old chair - was a weather worn cowboy with a handlebar mustache watching tv with dog #2. Being new to all of this we had a few questions:
1. Can you show us how to connect? "Nope, got arthritis and it's too cold out there fer me. See?"  
2. What's to do in town? "Nothin'. Streets roll up at 5pm. Ain't nuthin' goin on here dollface".
3. This is Taos, there's nothing to do? "Nope. Lived here 30 yrs and ain't nothin' happenin' here."
4. The book says you have shuttles and taxis to town. "Nope. Book's wrong. Dead wrong. No taxis here. Bus stop is out front. Last bus was at 6pm. You ain't goin' anywhere tonite sweetheart."
5. Ok, so there is no way to get anywere here in town other than to walk? "That's correct."
6. I don't believe it. "Well, help yourself to the phone book here and I'll tell ya what, I'll do even better - use my phone and call up rental cars or anything you like." (I used his princess phone ..an ACTUAL PRINCESS PHONE! My call to Enterprise Rentals produced a recording .."sorry, closed at 5pm; will be back Monday. Call Monday"...and this was Friday night. The limo service that I called from the redneck phonebook was "out" and would call back...maybe. Never called.)
7. So now what? "Well, you can come in here and watch movies with me. That would be fun, wouldn't it?"
8. I'll get back to you on that.

So I went back to the RV and had a chat with the girls about the timewarp we landed in here. We decided that maybe a nice hotel would have a shuttle so we called a hotel and they confirmed that the town has no taxi or shuttle services. Hmmmm.... Ok, now it's time for some liquor. So I take the 20 yr old w/ me to "experience" the local "charm" at the RV office.

We go back and ask where we can get some drinks. "Well the Sagebrush Inn is real nice and you can go there".
1. Where is that? "6 blocks down the road."
2. How will we get there? "Walk! Ain't no other way I know to get there."
3....It's too cold and too far...  "Yup"
4. Where can we can some alcohol?  "Well hell, why didn't you say that earlier? There's likker at that there Shell station right next door. Or, if you like you can go 3 doors the other direction to the place that has a lit-up-sign-with-nothin'-on-it and that'll be the likker store. By the way, you better take that water hose off that you just put on. It's gonna freeze tonight and if you don't your gonna break all my pipes and the pipes in your rig. I'll be out of water for a week so you need to take that water hose off, drain it and shut off my faucet. (gads)"

So now we go to the likker store. I have Coco Chic wrapped in a ski jacket and blanket and they said "let's see the baby".... Oh. It's a dog! I don't think they ever saw a "Boca dog" who comes with her own wardrobe.  Damn, it's cold for her too!  We bought 2 bottles and from the quiet stares, I'm sure this is the first time they saw doggy attire...

Whew. We drank some wine, watched a movie in the RV and had a good laugh about being on "the other side of the tracks" in Taos! Oh dear are we BECOMING the Griswolds?? Sleeping at the casino and in the Wal-Mart employee parking lot and now... Redneck heaven. Gawd help us!

It snowed during the night in Taos. It was a stunning snowshower; the flakes were 2" droplets and fell like big soft feathers. I've lived a whole lifetime around snow and never saw flakes that looked like snowballs. The 3 of us from MN looked out and were in awe.... Almost a freak show of snowballs falling from the sky. It was incredible.

The next morning in downtown Taos - where the "real" people go - was spectacular. We got our espressos, our croissants and other familiar necessities in this oh so cute artist enclave on the mountain. The experience from the night before was such a juxtaposition from the Taos we came to see.... We ended up leaving Taos mid-afternoon because more snow was expected and we did not want to be stuck on the mountain w/ that crazy old fart RV mountain man and his junkyard dogs one more night.

We went to Santa Fe and had a wonderful massage and this fabulous little spot. Whew. Back in civilization. Although I will say after night #1 in a casino parking lot and night #2 in a Wal-Mart employee lot, and night #3 in redneck heaven we are feeling a bit Griswold. We are in night #4 and staying in a really nice RV park in Santa Fe. There are several rock star buses here. Civilization again!

The RV is nice and easy to drive. Tomorrow (Sunday) we will drop off the 20 yr old at the airport and Kris and I will find another set of adventures. We are having fun but certainly not what we expected!! It has been a lot of laughs, foibles and bizarre encounters doing this RV thing.

ta ta for now....

Route 66 Chronicles - Part 1, Background

Hello all,

Background:
For those of you not following my life in minute detail, let me set the stage.

Last year I decided to celebrate the big "six ooh" by doing something completely out of character - or at least outside the character I'd worked so hard to build these last 25 years - and took a trip somewhere I've never been, doing something I've never tried before! After all, it WAS ..."MY birthday" and as it was a big one. I figured it was t-i-m-e (and long overdue) to get back some of the vigor of my youth and my natural sense of adventure that I had stuffed away in deference to climbing the corporate ladder.

So I called my long time girlfriend from MN - who is a dormant party animal as well - and we both decided to go "on the road" for a "great outdoors adventure" along the remnants of Route 66! What fun this would be! We had not been on a trip together since…. maybe 1980….??

It was November, the day before Thanksgiving. We would spend 10 days rolling around the area and hoping to finally see the Grand Canyon….in a 29 foot RV!

Our starting point was Albuquerque. I flew in from Florida. She flew in from MN - with her brave college-age daughter who had the poor luck to be reliving the youthful exploits of a couple of "grandmas" traveling in an RV with a non-winterized, fussy, spoiled Florida toy poodle named Coco Chic....

While not matronly and certainly not "old" in our minds, we set out on this great adventure to just let the spirit move us.... After all, we lived through the 60's and of course being former flower children, 10 days hanging out on Route 66 seemed like it could be fun!

So let me set the stage more clearly so you can visualize the novelty of the situation:

1. A rented 29' RV being driven by 2 women who NEVER drove anything bigger than a station wagon or SUV, and who regularly bump into curbs and other minor obstacles in compact cars…not being so adept at driving…and being short so the view out the window has always had some “limitations”… or so that’s the excuse we employ…. The rental guy convinced us it is just like driving a car. Yeah…right..

2. Both of us 60-ish women are vertically challenged. And we talk when we drive.

3. A spoiled, manicured Florida toy poodle accompanied us and would not pee anywhere unless it was manicured grass and the temperature was above 70.  This became a constant issue and challenge throughout the 10 day trip since the natural terraine is rocks, gravel and dirt. We often set out to "find a lawn" and found ourselves stalking neighborhoods and commercial buildings along the way just to accommodate our (ok ..my) pet!  Insurance agencies seemed the best bet for pooping stations! They always had the nicest grass in the middle of desert and desolation! 

4. The trip was in late NOVEMBER...in an RV....in the mountains....staying in RV parks for the first time ever by either party...dealing with camping in winter conditions.  We did not consider this at all when making our plans to be there for my Nov 30th big birthday! 

5. Forget the size factor on this gigantic vehicle!  RV details in general were completely foreign to us.  Neither of us had any idea how to work a generator or how to discern white water, gray water, black water (RV terms). We got a 5 min lesson from the rental guy….Let's see, do we turn on the lights first or start the generator, and what about how the water and the pump works for both toilets and sinks?  More than once we drained the battery by mistake... and had to start the motor to get the battery going so the generator could start so the heat and water and TV and DVD would work.  But once all were working we were in literal RV HEAVEN.  We had movies, iPods, extra speakers and all the accoutrements of a luxury vacation in a rolling hotel room. This RV truly had all the amenities of home - albeit on a small scale.  After a few days in our mobile hotel room, we found that we could actually live in Wal-Mart parking lots - for days if necessary!  We were eating Wal-Mart deli food and watching movies among the other shoppers in the parking lot.   Is it the 60’s again?  Oh dear.

6. Neither of us considered the challenges of size (the vehicle), the weather (dah, winter!), the terrain (dah, mountains) or culture (hello? RV park clientele...).  We also did not consider the challenges of sharing narrow fast-moving highway lanes with the big trucks during rainy, snowy, windy conditions….on our way to the Grand Canyon…

So the trip begins…unaware of what lies before us but full of hope, expectation and excitement and the prospect of hitting the open road in the Great American Southwest!

We certainly did not expect a "Griswold" experience but found it was getting more "Griswold" every day into the adventure!

HEY, I live in Boca! ...where we manicure everything - twice daily....  And the concept of an RV adventure is met with "say WHAT"?   "Reeeally?"....   Needless to say, I have few locals endorsing this concept of "fun" and adventure!  After all, it’s not a yacht or a cruise, or a trip to an exotic island, or jetting to off to Paris or Tahiti, but it’s my birthday, my way. Shared with a great friend who has a wonderful sense of adventure and was kind enough to indulge me on this wild excursion!

Vacuum Cleaner Chronicles....

Well, I never thought I'd get such a THRILL out of a new vacuum !! My old one basically fell apart - plastic parts turned back into oily sticky ick and were rubbing off like tacky oil paint onto my hands! I needed to use Goo Gone to remove the vacuum cleaner tar from my hands!!! It is now sitting on the street waiting for the morning trash! Goodbye little broken Kenmore....(purchased 22 yrs ago when I first moved from MN to Miami).

It is 2am and I just finished vacuuming the 5 area rugs I own with my new cheap vacuum. (My house is 100% tile ...so I'm really good with a mop and as my family will attest, I do have my favorites in the mop department too!)

But the vacuum....Wow....This new little $70 Shark grabbed so much dirt from those rugs .....eooowww ... it was truly icky stuff! So I guess the Kenmore must have lost its umphhh a while ago (un-noticed) since this little hepa number from KMart really filled up a canister with major dust and dirt. I guess for $70 bucks, one doesn't really need that $1400 Kirby or other specialty vacuum - unless of course, you wish to make the job of vacuuming into a career! What could we possibly have SEEN regarding the importance of vacuuming to spend $1400 on a Kirby back in the day???? I was really surprised what $70 bucks could accomplish!
Now that it is past 2am and the house feels really "clean".... I will bid you all adieu.

BTW - Suction of this magnitude has not seen the light of day here in many years!!

- "Cheap Thrills" in Florida.....

I'm In Hot Dish Heaven !!!

Well, being a Minnesota native and having moved to Florida 20 years ago, I seldom get an opportunity - or the craving for - cold weather comfort foods.

Florida, like other states, has had a very cold winter so far. Yes, it is all relative I know, but being a MN native, it is clear to me that my notion of "cold" has been altered by 20 yrs of unbearably hot, humid weather most of the time. So, any time the temp dips below 68, it's COLD here!

That being said, I also I seldom cook these days and mostly don't make any kind of native Minnesota "hot dish" around here since the natives in FL would likely snub this peasant food as somewhat boorish and/or boring. Of course the weather in Southern Florida really doesn't warrant much cuisine in that department since it is really tropical most of the time..... So, it has been 25+ years since I made a fabulous mouth-watering dish called Alpine Casserole. However, being that we've had a bit of a cold run here since early Jan and I thought it timely to dust off some cold weather comfort food from a recipe box whose recipe cards are yellowed with age and neglect. Today I made a pan of Alpine Casserole - just for me! Pure unadulterated indulgence!!

I pulled it out of the oven around 3pm today...I was starving by then... I often get so involved in my work, I forget to eat until I'm ready to chew off my arm! I quickly gobbled down a plate of hot yummy stuff before a 3pm meeting and left the pan in the kitchen.

My business partners - both NY natives - showed up a few minutes later for the meeting. The smells of a home-cooked meal - rare in my household for many years - permeated the air. I knew one of my partners had not eaten either so I offered him a plate of fresh Minnesota "hot dish", fully expecting a polite nibble and a nod and that's all.

I am pleased to say, I personally had 3 big helpings and both of my partners had 3 helpings as well - even the one who just came from lunch! The whole pan is nearly gone and one of my partners even wanted to bring some home to his girlfriend. They were so "possessed" and drawn to the simple flavors of a standard Minnesota "hot dish" (aka casserole) they could not stop eating it or going back to the kitchen for just a little bit more!!

Little did I expect this to be such a HIT....after all these years !! I loved it but I must give thanks, recognition and appreciation to one of my dearest friends, Robin, from whom I got this recipe so very many years ago! She was a chef extraordinaire and this was one of her California accommodations to the Minnesota natives - after moving there - that is, learning to make an extraordinary "hot dish" you can't stop eating! Thanks Robinsky !!! Sadly, my friend Robin, succumbed to illness a few months ago. We all miss her terribly - but I truly learned so much from her so many years ago and this little dish just reminded me of what a graceful spirit she brought to everything she touched.

This one's for you, my dear Robin!

Ohhhhh.....I'm soooo WITH you right now....in hot dish heaven !! Can you see me? I have food all over my face.

Love to you. You made my day!

Eating Out with "Gary S." on Yelp

Feb 1, 2010
I sent this log of restaurant reviews by a local chap named "Gary S." as an email to my friends who would enjoy a few chuckles in January 2009. Update since then: The funniest review was a Boca Raton restaurant called Bova. Update is that this chic and busy spot was purchased by flambouyant Ponzi crook and lawyer, Scott Rothstein in the fall of 2009, just weeks before he left on a private jet for Morocco where he allegedly stashed millions of dollars from his $1.2B Ponzi scam. Again a good thing ("people-watching") gone awry.... by another scam sham here in So Florida !! - Little Bernie

So here is the original email. Sit back and enjoy. This is really funny stuff!!

Jan 3, 2009
I was on a site looking at restaurant reviews (I wrote one too since I was pissed off about a creep bartender at a local steakhouse). Anyway, I looked at Bova for reviews..... Bova is full of Cougars dressed like Brittany Spears, young gold diggers and lots of old guys that look like crap. Rich, ugly and assholes. Thursday is the night. The parking lot is filled with every hot and expensive car you can imagine. Anyway I see everyone's nicey nice comments and reviews about Boca restaurants and I decided to look what people wrote about Bova... and then this one guy - "Gary S." - tells it like it is. I laughed my butt off. Funny as sh@@! (He's from NY and reviews Boca, NY, Vegas, etc.). He reviews everything, including stores, pest control, etc. I laughed a lot! Enjoy.

***...as told by a very funny guy "Gary S." on Yelp.com....****


Bova Ristorante
Boca Raton, FL
6/10/2008

This place helped me understand suicide bombers!

In my 11 years of living in this circus town I have now been to the epicenter of hell. The desperation of the newly divorced women has reached biblical proportion here. The competition and evil competitors will stand outside to watch what kind of car a girl has. If that woman speaks to an eligible man (or married man who lies) the wicked outsider will come by and mock the girl to her face and try and shame her away.

I had 3 women ask me if I was married. I had 2 women ask me what kind of car I have, and I had 6 ask me what I did for a living. The women here do not have conversations, they give depositions.

I have seen very nice women I know pack them self into an old outfit that is a few sizes to small and definitely not age appropriate. I am not a prude but this place will make the most seasoned S. Floridian quiver. This place was a total rodeo for me and my friends. We tried to see how long we could stay until we felt like we needed a bath.

It is nice to see the Jack La Lane impersonators too. 60 plus year old guys with the same costume you would see on the guys from the red hot chili peppers. Fresh wrinkle free faces but they did not get the neck lift to go with the face lift. (Think male Joan Rivers with the Frank Perdue neck on a Lou Ferrigno like body. (This is what the local soccer moms fight over.)

The place is very nice and the bar is jammed. If you like this kind of scene you will love this place.

If you are a comedy writer you will love this place.

If you are a newly divorced soccer mom with your old acid washed jeans and Barbie Doll socks. You will love this place.

If you are an 80 year old male body builder who digs younger women who have low self esteem you will love this place.

If you are a radical suicide bomber you will love this place.

I see underneath it says Wheelchair accessible? That should be yes just so the men can keep going for the next few years. It also says Good for kids? I guess it is if you want your mom to marry an old guy to pay the bills and help keep up that country club lifestyle.


Poppies Restaurant & Delicatessen
Delray Beach, FL (next to Boca)
8/28/2008
Miserable crowd lousy service but decent food (breakfast) and cheap like borscht. Reminds me of that scene in the movie Cocoon. The old people there try and steal your youth and lust for life as they sit there silently staring at their spouse.

I guess after 50 years of marriage you pretty much said everything you had to say.

Avoid weekends at all costs. Go across the street to bagel Brothers to avoid weekend road blocks.


Lil'ole Caboose
Deerfield Beach, FL (next to Boca)
9/25/2008 First to Review
I can not believe I am the first one to Lil Ole' Caboose! This place is great for that White Castle fix that many of us transplanted NY'ers need. They also have Sabrett Hot Dogs with the authentic NY onions to go with them. The fries are old Nathans style waffle fries great for chili and cheese if you wish. (The chili tasted burnt)

I love the place and go when I need my sliders but the place is a true joint! See my photo of the exterior and you can see it looks like a train. Caboose to be specific but I can tell you that the cleaning people left the building in the early 90's. This place is a bit on the gross side and the filth levels are high. Do yourself a favor and use the drive thru window and keep the questionable hygiene out of mind.

My kids love it just make sure you use the restroom somewhere else before you arrive. I do like this place by I need to give you all full disclosure. That's how I roll!


Rachel's Steakhouse
PalmBeach, FL
8/28/2008
Yes it is a steakhouse in a strip bar. (As a married man I will not go any deeper into that, pun intended)

The Shrimp cocktail is the best I have ever had to this very day. The horseradish in the cocktail sauce will make you exhale regardless how much you had to drink. I also like the cheese mash immensely.

I like when you see the blue haired Palm Beach crowd, they are standing there waiting for their table when in plain site there is nudity galore.

REMEMBER NUDITY AND FOOD IN PUBLIC IS NOT A WINNING COMBO!

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM INVITING WORKING WOMEN FROM OVER THE WALL TO JOIN YOU FOR NUDE CONVERSATION, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE WITHOUT A HAIRNET.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

Woody's
Islamarada, FL
7/14/2008 First to Review
*** WARNING ***

Ignorant low life rednecks and crack whores make this an instant keys landmark.

Get a tetanus shot and penicillin shot before even pulling into the parking lot.

You can see a big fat jackass telling jokes that sound like a reading from the KKK handbook. His name is Big Dick and the extenders and he at least has the self given name of Big Dick.

That is the only redeeming quality I can find.

I only gave this 1 star because I had no other choice. If you want a firsthand look at the worst human element, this is a great place.

THIS PLACE SUCKS!

(Yes I know it is a nude bar, that is only secondary)


The Center For Plastic Surgery
Islamarada, FL
7/14/2008 First to Review
If you need plastic surgery, and go to someone in the keys you also need brain surgery!

I suggest the brain surgery first and at least drive up to Miami for the love of God and all that is holly.

The sign should say:

Plastic surgery / bait / bar and grill / and we fix flats too.

I have never been to the place above, and must add they might be the best in the world. Just sounds way too funny to pass on.

Town Pizza
Ocean Beach, NY
9/15/2008
Here is a very good secret I will share with you all.

Walk to the front of the line saying you are a cash customer. Before the crowd begins to spill your blood take a $50 and throw it in the tip cup. Tell the guys that the next 2 pies out of the oven are yours and they can keep the change for the kids.

That worked for me every Sat night for a summer. I then returned to my house where I was applauded and reimbursed for my squandered $50.

Do not forget to tell everyone on the line that you are a cash customer and snapping the fifty helps add to your mystery. Bring backup in case things changed over the last decade or so.

P.S. bring bail too because they will put you in jail for just about anything. Trust me I know. From others not myself.


Albatross
Ocean Beach, NY
9/15/2008
Swing the lights! you can get away with it once or twice before they throw you out. If you make out with someone for over 4 hours straight do not send them purple flowers the next few days. Trust me on this one.

I know that from a friend.

Paradise Pizza of the Keys
Key Largo, FL
9/12/2008
Never! I repeat Never! get pizza that is made on a Conveyor Belt!

When you see that the pizza is nothing more then a kit with pre measured bags of ingredients that is placed on a robotic belt that is fed into one side of a machine and out the other side you should leave.

I think the pizza is made from the same company that made the cooking machine / robot.

The only thing I agree with from the other post is that the pizza was hot. They should make it even hotter to completely damage your taste buds so you may come back some day.

Note to pizza owners in the Keys. "We are not all drunk all of the time"

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on Budwieser.

Upper Crust Pizza
Key Largo, FL
9/12/2008 First to Review
This place has odd tasting pizza. Not a good odd either. I was a fan but the pizza has been slowly getting worse in the last few years. It is like a slow downward spiral.

The good is the crust is firm but the sauce has become more nasty then an old jar of open tomato sauce in the back of your refrigerator that time has forgotten.

This was always a better choice then the "tower of pizza" just south untill now.

It is now a coin toss of what kind of lame pizza you will eat. The good news is that Paradise Pizza is not far away. The bad news is that they suck even worse.


Kilwin's
Delray Beach, FL
8/28/2008
How could chocolate suck? It can't!

My ass gets bigger just walking on this side of the street. If you want to get the Mrs. some Valentine treats go early! It is a zoo on V Day and something you really do not have to experience. Trust me on this one.

Captain Pell's Fairfax Crab House
Fairfax, VA
8/9/2008
Bring some wet naps! I watched my gross friend Sig eat so many craps, I was concerned about the species becoming endangered. He was covered in crab meat and his chin glistened with butter. He had a wooden hammer in one hand and was eating a crab like some would eat an apple.

The smell of old bay smacks you in the face as soon as you open the door.

I want to put a sign "Gluttony lives here" (Thats a good thing) This is a place to roll up your sleeves and get to some beer and crabs.

Bring your gross hungry friends and enjoy the show.

"They had no Crabby Pattys on the menue"


U-Haul Co
Gordonsville, VA
8/9/2008 First to Review
"WARNING, THIS PLACE SUCKS"

You would be better off dragging your items on your back then to rent a deathtrap from this place.

Terrible equipment and non caring staff make this a must avoid.

Wfkz Sun 103.1
Tavernier, FL (Fl Keys)
7/14/2008 First to Review
I am so over classic rock!

They played Cinnamon girl one weekend 6 times. I was going to kill someone there.

Get some new records and call me. I can now guess what F K Z in the call letters mean. lol.


Hog Heaven Sports Bar & Grill
Islamarada, FL
7/14/2008 First to Review
If you want to see people out passed 10:00 pm. They are here.

A true Dive bar complete with NASCAR styled car on the roof. If you have a group of people and just want to go out it is fine. Do not go by yourself or you are looking for trouble. The locals do not like the outsiders coming in and trying to buddy up to the locals. I have seen some bad fights here and never bring your girl with you or every boathand in the place will have something to say. Especially if she is attractive.

Go as a pack and I would say go only with the guys.


Dubliner Irish Pub
6/7/2008
Way to nice to be called a pub! Very good place to have a few pints, especially in the very trendy Foo Foo Mizner Park. If you brought a real Irishman here, he would be culture shocked into sobriety and probably never stop throwing up. It is a bit of an older crowd and can be jammed with people. It is a solid place, but just lacks true Irish Pub charm and stink.


Arturo's Ristorante
Boca Raton
5/27/2008
Sure it is fun to sing with the Piano man and Francis Ford Coppola (He really was there) but the smell when you walk in is foul. It is a cross between Bourbon Street @ midnight on Fat Tuesday, and the Palm Beach water treatment plant. If you can get over the smell, your next task is to get past the maitre d' aka hostess guy. If you are not wearing what he likes, you will be banished to a far away table or the back room. I do like the food, and the population looks like the waiting room for heaven or hell (if you believe in that kind of stuff).

The dishes that are made at the table are great! I am a huge fan of the pasta that is made with cognac and the veal chop parm. The food is good, but the smell and snob at the door is tough to overcome. The food is a solid 8 1/2 / 10.

Helen Keller would give high nines but asking my friends to keep it down when we were the only people in the whole place gets you some jack ass points, and has definitely cost them one star. (They were not even that bad)

That kind of stuff bothers the heck out of me. When it is a special night out, and there is someone who pisses you off that makes the night memorable for the wrong reason. Your experience should not be altered negatively by the people running the show. If your looking for great Italian there are better cheaper places that will make you feel welcome.

Thats how I feel. I am not a fan. New ownership comes in, I am there.


New York Prime
Boca Raton
5/24/2008
I do not know if I go for the steaks or the insanity? The food is always good and the service is great. They seem to be a little more humble during slow economy's then during boom times, but with that being said this place is like the circus. Where else can you see a 70 plus year old guy in a captains hat making out with a 20 year old at the bar? Yuck!

The Bar is a mad house and the same guy has been singing sweet Caroline since Neal Diamond wrote it. The breads that start you off can be a meal them self. I like the spicy cheesy bread (sliced and cracker like) The Mrs. likes the dark sugary one. That helps keep the fights away.

The drinks are poured on the stiff side (thats a good thing) and the police are out front to help the drunk senior citizens to their cars. I love the looks of the seafood appetizer sampler but am not much of a raw oyster / stone crab guy. They have huge lobsters that come with bankers to help you finance one if you want it. The steaks are great one of my favorites behind the king Peter Lugar's (Brooklyn not L.I.) and the Cheese Mash makes my cholesterol climb just thinking about it. Deserts are great if you have room and the Onion Rings are proper and large. Not for the cheap or easily offended. Great place to people watch and reservations are a necessity. So get your botox and your home equity loan and give it a try.

Sports Authority
9/15/2008 First to Review
Bad selection, bad service, bad checkout but good prices on football jerseys that no one wants. Unless you really want a John Beck jersey.

Papa John's Pizza
9/12/2008 First to Review
Do you really need a review of Pappa John's Pizza?

OK here it is. It Sucks!